I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think my mom watched the whole time
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
