We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He shit in the fireplace
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
