i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
