My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
