you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
