Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
