If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
