He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
