Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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