watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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