conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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