This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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