ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
