You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
