guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
