YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
