Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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