I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
