The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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