considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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