I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
