Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
