he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
