I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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