True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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