So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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