You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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