Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
