His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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