I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
