I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
