We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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