I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
