her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
