yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
