Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
