distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
