well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
