dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
