jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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