new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Bring me that man meat
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
