He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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