My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
