it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if only i could text you this smell
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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