An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
