TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
