I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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