that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
