and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
