Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
