The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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